Getting Philosophical

I am a mediocre person for some things yet I want to be, give or do my best as much as I can. In my heart and mind, I seem to know the reason why but I don't have the right words to call or name it. It's very lame to say that I am just plain lazy because at times I can be very OC on things that I am doing.

I am also the kind who goes to battle half prepared or half handed yet I want to be prepared and win it. I seem to take upcoming serious responsibilities half-heartedly and I don't exactly know the reason why. Maybe, it's just the way I am.

But I want to get philosophical and internalize why am I this.

Maybe because I am in some ways inflexible and harsh on myself that drawing out plans and when things don't go exactly as what I was planning and expecting them to be upset me and will just snatch my concentration away?

Maybe because I know that some things dont precisely go as I want it to be however I may have choreographed it.. because they are not just meant to. And I don't want to feel sorry for the effort that I've put into it?

And maybe, maybe.. I faithfully know that however I may have given my best shot, however I may have designed my plan, He will still interfere and do/give what I deserve or what's best for me? And I can't beat Him at that.. so why labor on it?

But, didn't this old adage works, "Give your best and God will do the rest"?

Maybe I'm just being harsh and critical with myself now thinking that I don't give my best shot always because so far, I get what I deserve and I know that they're all from Him?